Another Imma Wiserd Commentary
by ObssessiveMarmoset
Summary: After finishing her My Immortal Commentary, a teenage girl who decided to achieve nothing long ago didn't know what to do with her life. After a long four seconds of consideration, she decided to do a commentary on Imma Wiserd. She is ObssessiveMarmoset. When I say ObssessiveMarmoset, I mean me. It's me, ObssessiveMarmoset. I own nothing and I've seen Bridesmaids one too many times
1. Chapter 1

Hello there! I'm ObssessiveMarmoset! I just tackled My Immortal, so out of respect for horrible fanfiction, I decided to start a new commentary the day after! Ya know, I kind of got attached to Enoby…meh, I'll be fine. I've decided to do my next commentary on the…lovely Imma Wiserd. Is that the actual title? I'm not sure. Do I care? Nope.

AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) **(Oh, I bet you did see the movies…when you walked by them in a store's movie section.)**i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.**(Oh, a story about a hairy toilet? Lovely. Or perhaps it's about a toilet named Harry. I can't tell, cuz the majority of this sentence is spelled shamefully wrong.)**

note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin **(Well THAT'S not racist at all. Plus, I love fried chicken with a passion and I have been called the whitest girl ever.)**

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".**(…yikes. That's right up there with Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way.)**

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".

"o turtle don cri"**(He has a lovely name like Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson and you just call him Turtle?! What a shame!)**

"na mama i aint mad" i says.**(Oh, he must be like me and cry whenever he experiences any strong emotion. I'm a crier. I don't mean to be, it just happens!)** den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" **(Me too! I could've gotten some too! But nooooo, we just HAD to have pizza for dinner tonight. But it's my mom's birthday, so I can't really complain.) **den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!11111111111111 **(I admit I 'm jealous and would very much like fried chicken to pop out of nowhere whenever I want it…but I don't exactly want friend chicken from someone's groin. Ugh, I hate the word groin.)**

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said**(Not the knock-out gas bomb I just threw into your house so I can kidnap you and your little Stu son and torture you with other readers who are being caused pain by your awfulness…not at all .…)**. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. **(Oh, how convenient. Where'd it go? On second thought, I don't wanna know.) **i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. **(So he was scared, but not in an afraid way, despite afraid and scared being synonyms? What else can this guy do?...it IS a guy, right? Well, after My Immortal, nothing will surprise me anymore.) **den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 **(Aw, look, he figured out what we figured out like, three forevers ago.) **so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. **(Ugh, now I'm hungry!) **mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". **(She knows about our knock-out gas bomb plan! RUN! No, really. Running from this story wouldn't be a bad idea.) **so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"**(Dude, do you think she's stupid?)**

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama.den i felt sad. **(Aw, look, it can feel emotions like a person!) **so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd.mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. **(Dude, if I knew someone that could summon food, I'd be pretty happy. Like, anytime you're hungry you could just be like "Hey dude, summon some chips for me") **"dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. **(Dude, you don't have any food, and now you're shooing away a perfectly good food source! Maybe she IS stupid!) **so i left. **(I love this sentence. It's like 'I wanted to drink some soda. So I did.')**

so whadda think**(Well, they say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all…)**? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST. **(…hypocrite.)**

**Wasn't that wonderful? Wait…what's that dripping sound? Oh, it's me, oozing sarcasm! If you didn't run screaming like a small child being forced to wear fake eyelashes…good job! Let's embark on this little adventure together! I'd like it very much if you reviewed. Reviews make me smile, and since I'm getting my braces off tomorrow morning…*whisperreviewwhisper* **


	2. Chapter 2

**So hi! I'll be trying to update this at least every other day. I'm gonna try really hard to not do what I did with my My Immortal commentary and have month-long gaps (even longer, sometimes) in between my updates. Thanks to Queenofchaos1104 for leaving a such a nice review :)**

AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun **(Oh, I bet we're all as happy about that as you are. Right? *eye roll*)**

den i went 2 hagwats. **(So I see Hogwarts is now accepting any old schmuck off the street who can summon fried chicken. Great.) **dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". **(So Harry is black? Wow! We all must've missed that detail! Aren't we lucky we have this lovely person to point it out to us  
?) **i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!"**(What demented alterate universe is this?)**

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi" **(They got a white boy to play a white boy? Shocking!)**

"wat i said. **(…huh?)**

"u herd mi" **(…I'm lost…)**

"dem rassist ppl!" **(Oh yes, how horrible of them to appropriately cast a white actor as a white character!) **

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz **(…there's totally something I could say about that. I think it's best if I don't say it.) **an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw" **(Oh, this must be a poser Sorting Hat that took the real Sorting Hat's place when he ran away with the Scarf of Sexual Preference. Is the Sorting Hat a guy? I feel like it is.) **

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. **(Harry, you aren't black, and you aren't a Ravenclaw. You're drunk, go home. No seriously. Run. Run away from this insane alternate universe.) **den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. **(Maybe the door to their room broke so Dumbledore became a door for them! That's sweet!). **an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens).**(Is this like The Hunger Games: Hogwarts Version?)** im ur dumbledoor." **(I knew it! He's their new door!)**

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool." **(Oh, so he's not just their door, he's everyone's door?)**

"hi mistr duumbledoor"

"yo can call mi alvin".**(ALLLVIIIIIIIIN! I bet Hagrid is Theodore and Snape is a very mean version of Simon. *dreamy sigh* Oh how I love Snape)**

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik. **(What, is it not working right? Is it like the Flinstones' car? Why is he running on a broom?)**

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter **(Looks like Harry grew his hair out.)**

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed **(I admit the misspelling of the word but got a smile out of me.)**

"i no but tomorow we hav skool **(Ugh, I have school tomorrow. It's Thursday, but it feels like Friday.) **an ill sho u all de pretti girlz **(How kind!) **an how to play bromstiks"**(That kind of sounds like a children's game. Or the Hogwarts version of Chopsticks.)**

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry **(He didn't even answer the question!)**

we were best frends. **(Nothin' quite like 50 Cent and Soulja Boi to bring people together.)**

**So, there you have it. The second chapter of Imma Wiserd. I'd like it very much if you reviewed! Reviews are like little bits of happiness ^-^**


	3. Chapter 3

**Reviews, reviews, reviews :)**

**BookWorm77071-Thank you, for the nice reviews and the congratulations on getting my braces off. I'm so glad to be rid of those things! My retainers are starting to bug me less and less, which is good. I had an expander, but I don't remember much other than hating it. The stories I comment on are stories I started out reading others' commentaries on. And I definitely see the redneck-My Immortal point you made. I'd say it's a gender-bender My Immortal, but…I'm not even sure anymore :p**

**Dndchk-I do like to think I'm a strong person, both mentally and physically, so thank you :)**

**Queenofchaos1104-It's crazy, isn't it? :p The racism gets even worse, it that's believable.**

**So, it seems it is popular theory that Sorty is a guy and Scarfie is a girl. I agree ^_^**

AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it! **(Oh, that's JUST what the world needs *eye roll*)**

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin **(You STILL don't know what it's called?) **where all da chillin were chillin :)**(…no. I love bad jokes, but no. What if this isn't a joke at all? I'm assuming it is cuz there's a happy face. I know in To Kill a Mockingbird, when Tom Robinson is referring to Mayella's little siblings he says 'chillun'. So maybe it's supposed to be "where the chillun were chillin'" …I can't believe I just analyzed that.)**

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackerswhu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!" **(Smart people!)**

"y" i sed **(Maybe cuz they don't want to sit with a racist psychopath?)**

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!" **(*sigh* I don't even wanna correct this.)**

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl.**(So, kind of like some versions of gorgons? Shape-shifters? Oh, you meant Slytherins? Well, all you said was snake people!)** ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist."**(you dirty, dirty hypocrite.)**

"ok" i sed

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. **(Is that supposed to be Hermione  
? Or maybe it's supposed to be some crazy new girl called Sherman and he forgot the s.) **she fell in love wit me**(I've heard of love at first sight, but…)**. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. **(You LIVE at school. But what do I know? I'm just a girl who is considered very smart and is at least 90 percent sane.) **furst we had magik class. **(Every class is a magic class. Well, almost every class. It's a magic school. I…ugh, I don't even care anymore.)**the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all.**(…now I'm hungry! Dammit!)** "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."**(Is that like…dark magic or magic for black people? Seeing as how racist this story is, I'm guessing the second one.)**

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist"**(Aw, someone's delusional!) **she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."**(Oh, THAT explains a lot.)**

she gave us lots o homwork. **(Oh, that reminds me, I have an English essay to revise…meh…)**

we had mor classes. **(That must've been difficult for your tiny mind to handle.) **den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?"**(…you're in a wizarding school, what do you THINK it's for?…don't answer that!)** i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed."dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.**(Ya know, I sort of have an understanding of that statement, considering I have a boyfriend who's constantly being injured)**

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings**(…does he even know what anything is actually called?!)**. it flu in2 da ski. **(What, did they have a ski with a hole in it?)**

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed**(He really doesn't know what anything is called, does he?)**. "ow i sed" **(I would say 'hopefully that knocked some sense into him', but I doubt that'll ever actually happen.)**

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.**(Oh yeah, cuz Bludgers are totally obedient like that.) **

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. **(I can do that, and I'm the type of person that's constantly running into things, dropping things, and falling over for no apparent reason.) **so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. **(Well, we all needed to know THAT, didn't we?) **"sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did.**(Like what? Like a sophisticated lady riding side-saddle? Like one of those bikers that bikes with his butt off the seat?)** meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets.**(Oh, they must've come to laugh at them.)** dey wa cherin.**(Are you sure they aren't just making fun of you?)** den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"**(Oh THAT'S not suspicious at all.)**

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"**(So Harry isn't even going to TRY to stop him from catching the Snickers bar?)**

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.**(Wow. I think we've discovered the best liar ever!)**

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!" **(We were one s on the end of the word ball away from having a hilarious sentence! Well, it's pretty funny anyways.)**

i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die".**(Oh, because 'die' is totally a spell now) **i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed.

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died. **(Now, we should all be thinking 'Yes! It's over! He's dead!' …well, no. He's not dead. So enjoy dead!Turtle while it lasts.)**

**So, who's ready for the multitude of reasons why the world was apparently against me posting this chapter? Thursday I spent doing geometry homework and studying for a science test. Friday, I went to stay with one of my best friends who moved away (still in the same state). I didn't get home until around six, and then I had to wash EVERYTHING, because her dogs had fleas. Then I had a headache that was so cripplingly bad all I could bring myself to do was lie in a pathetic little heap on my bed and listen to music. So anyways, enough of my rambling. Please review! I'd really appreciate it! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my lovelies :)**

**Bookworm77071-Thanks ^-^**

**Dndchk-Ha ha, thanks :) That's so ironic! I think this is worse than My Immortal too. I'm not sure why. I guess I feel sort of attached to My Immortal cuz it was the first story I read a commentary on and the first story I commented on myself.**

**Queenofchaos1104-I think he's like a cockroach or Oprah-he just keeps coming back. I don't know if anyone knows the difference between the magics in this story, or at least I don't :p**

**ChelleLovesHP-Thank you :)**

An: heres anodder chapper! **(I told you it wasn't over.)**

da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse. **(Oh yeah, you just died yesterday, you're totally fine!)**

"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman. **(Nice to see you again too.)**

"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr. **(No, he DID die! The only problem is he didn't stay dead!)**

"wut was dat?" i sed.

"it wuz da dark lord vadermort **(Darth Vader and Voldemort's love child! Ya know, that might actually make for a pretty interesting cross-over.) **and he wantz to hurt ur mama"**(What did his mom ever do besides shoo away a perfectly good food source?)**

"WART?11" i sed **(Yeah, you might wanna take care of that wart. It's not cute.)**

"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"**(I just realized that's supposed to be prophecy. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to figure that out.)**

"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman **(Aw, she can observe and state the obvious! Good job!)**

"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry**(Well, it's Darth Vader and Voldemort's love child, it the fact that he wants to destroy the world all that surprising?)**

"ok"**(Does that mean he's okay with Darth Vader and Voldemort's love child trying to destroy the world?)** i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111"**(That escalated quickly.)**

den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed **(I don't think anyone cares at this point.)**

"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman **(No one seems to realize he was actually dead. How unfortunate. Maybe then some person with a shred of reasonability would kill him off and make sure he stays dead.) **

"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort **(Wait, when did Vadermort get here**

**?!)**"especially u turtle"

"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms. **(Do they understand what suspended means?…probably** **not.)**i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson"**(Well, at least he respects the lovely name Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson and doesn't just call him Turtle.)** I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said**(Is it bad that I'm picturing her drunk?)**. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass. **(Well…at least he seems to have a better understanding of sex than Tara did. Not that this is any better than a My Immortal sex scene.)**

"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop.**(That was over fast.)** "what r u doin" sed harry next to me.**(How did he get there?! How did Herman get there even?!)** "noddin" i sed ambarrist.**(That's not suspicious at all.)** "oh. i tot i herd somting." **(Well, it's probably best if you don't know.) **

"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.

"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to we all went doon 2 brekfest.**(What, is Harry sleep walking or something?)** "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.**(You SLIMED?! Seriously?! I mean, SERIOUSLY?!)**

"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.

"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.

"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.

"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.**(How is it not obvious by now?! I…ugh! Ok, Obssessive, calm down. Calllllllmmmmm dowwwwwwn.)**

"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor.

"ah noddin" **(Oh my god, this is like that one video we watched in science where 'fascinating' was every other word.)**

"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.**(But they just got to breakfast!)**

"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class

"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?

"i didnt" i sed.**(Oh, you're such a rebel!)**

"why not, turtle! u hav such potenshal!" she sed **(Potential for what  
? Failure? Being murdered by a mob of angry fanfiction readers?)**

"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.**(****Oh, so THAT'S your excuse? You were feeling fine enough to bang Herman but not to do your homework?)**

"u fot vadermort? u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed.** (Ya know, I'm actually really, really impressed with this story, if you could even call it that. It's definitely not a good kind of impressed.)**

we sat thro class.**(I'm kind of unfortunate when I'm sitting in class. I get really fidgety and I can't sit still.) **

AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! **(I wish you were.)**well i trikd u lololol**(…that's not funny.)** mor chpters cummin soon **(Well that's just GREAT.)**

**Well my friends, here's chapter four! It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? Please review, and maybe look at my other stuff. I'd greatly appreciate it ^-^**


	5. Chapter 5

**HeyReviewersHeyyyyyyy!**

**Bookworm77071-Many, many things are probably wrong with this person. Thank you :) I love when you review!**

**Queenofchaos1104-Ya know, you gave me a though-what if all the bad fanfictions came together as one? O.o *shudder***

**Dndchk-Did you? Cuz I didn't . :p. Maybe it's a citron-very lumpy and unfortunate looking.**

**SilverZelenia-well, I dunno if you're seeing this, cuz you reviewed chapter two, but I assume you'll see it, so thank you so much! **

AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz! **(Oh, you mean the anonymous ones you left yourself?) **recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.**(How can you get your facts straight if you don't know them in the first place?)**

"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson. **(Putting in Magic Johnson, a muggle basketball player, sure is one way to get your facts straight!)**

"water u doin techin dis class" i sed **(I think Magic is here for literally no other reason than the fact that the author likes him and wants to have him there.)**

"im ur techer" sed magik jonson**(That's almost as bad as saying 'because of reasons')** "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!**(Ok, that actually kind of makes sense, in an ironic, stupid sort of way.)**1 wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. **(Oh, is this the black magic class?)**an... DRACO!111**(Oh please don't abuse Draco. I don't support Draco abuse.)** but he sat at da bak o da classrom. **(Racist author!)**

"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises" **(What year is this supposed to be, even?)**

"wuz a patronis" i sed

"ull see" sed magik jonson.

so we went in2 da midle off da room

"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class"**(What, does that make it different somehow?) **an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" **(I'm sort of afraid…) **he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111 **(…wow. …wow. That..that's kind of pathetic. I pity the author of this, I really do.) **

so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. **(Where did Ron come from!) **jenni did a egele**(Is that..supposed to be Ginny?)**. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson. **(Everyone who is surprised, raise their hand! …*crickets chirp, a tumble weed goes tumblin' on by*…no one? Didn't think so.) **

den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. **(Does chicken always have to be involved in there somehow?) **"dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". **(What a wonderful teacher!) **drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room.

den da police came**(Let me guess, they'll arrest poor, innocent Turtle.) **an arrestd me fo no reson.** (Nailed it!)** "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail.**(…there's an extreme lack of explanation in this…this…abomination.)**

An: suzpensfl iznt it?**(Oh, totally! I don't think I'll be able to hold my excitement in!) **nex chapta cummin soon **(I can't wait :/)**

**Chapter…what is this, five? It's all kind of one big, bad blur. So, since my commentary on My Immortal is the most reviewed My Immortal commentary I've seen on this site, can we…maybe try and achieve that here, too? Pretty please with a not abused Draco on top?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Bonjour!**

**BookWorm77071-Yeah, this whole story is a whole lot of 'I can't even' 'I don't even' and 'I'm so done'.**

**SilerZelenia-I agree. But maybe my judgment is tainted because I've sort of developed a fondness for My Immortal.**

**Queenofchaos1104-The Cluck Cluck Salesman: Seller of chickens! Actually, I'm afraid of chickens, so I don't enjoy the Cluck Cluck Salesman. Throughout this whole story I'm just like '…wat?...wat?'.**

**Dia-oh, well hello there! Thank you!**

AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori **(What, did you let your grandma read it? Did she halfheartedly say "oh, wow, honey, that's…um, that's…good.") **so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!111

i wuz in jail. **(Yes, we're all aware of that.) **it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad.** (well yeah, you're in jail! Most people aren't happy about that!)**

"let mi out!11" i sed.

"no" he sed.**(Good man.)**

"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed.

"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers"**(Oh, this just keeps getting better.)**

"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan**(What are you gonna do, burn him with your glare as you sit behind bars?)**

"yeh daz r word" i sed.**(Is it just me, or does that make it more racist?)**

"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff.**(He's like a small child. Oh wait, I bet this story was written by one.)**

"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!111111"**(…excuse me?)** den a dragen cam out.**(It's called a patronus.)**

"!11111111111111111111111"**(*gasp* well 222222222222222, good sir!)** he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him **(…well that's one way to get out of jail.)**

"hes a blak magicon!1" sed anodder gard. **(I still don't understand what that's supposed to mean. I don't even…I…ugh, I'm done! I'm so done!)**

"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!1" sed annoder**(Did he have a wand in the first place? I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. My Immortal had an extreme disregard of wands. Well…one kind of wand.)**. an dey did.

"now u cant us magic!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..."**(Well, well, well, looks like Kiwan is the lucky one who got the food-summoning cellmate.)**

den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"**(I've been craving fried chicken ever since I started this commentary.)**

"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist" **(But…in the first chapter, you said…oh forget it.)**

"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.

"hooooray!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!"**(You just like him cuz he can get you free fried chicken. If someone I hated could summon fried chicken, I would immediately make them my best friend. I am not above that.)**

den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang...**(Oh, ew!)** it wuz... VADERMORT!1111111111111 **(Teleportation through food? That…that's kinda badass.) **

"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded! **(…yikes.)**

"beep" sed vadermort **(*gasp* well, BOOP!)**

"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!1" sed kiwan. **(How is he still functioning?!) **an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort.**(What else would you shoot? Popcorn kernels?)**

"IM DIING!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere. **(Yeah, that tends to happen when you get shot multiple times.)**

"never trust a blak wizard"**(I STILL don't know what that means! I don't know if I even want to!)** i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere.**(…why?)**

"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!11" sed vadermort.**(Yeah, you should've at least bled out by now.)**

den he fel on da grund ded.**(Took him long enough.)**

"U KILLD VADERMORT!111" sed harry potter. **(Oh, hey Harry. Welcome. We have some cray cray shit goin' on here.)**

"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson.**(Oh, he's here too? Well now it's a party!)**

den snap cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface" **(With the combination of the misspelling of come and the misspelling of office that looks like orifice…that's kind of hilarious.)**

AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader!111**(But he…oh, I'm not even surprised, everyone comes back from the dead in this story.)**

**And there ya go! I'm updating a little late for my liking, but…oh well! It's been a long week. This week was exhausting. I got everything figured out though, and I feel so relieved! Please review! I'll love you forever. For-ev-ER. And if you ever wanna talk, you can PM me ^-^ I'm friendly! I haven't bitten anyone in a long time :p**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, who's ready for excuses? Hopefully you, cuz you're gonna get em! February started off decent for me. Then my boyfriend dumped me and made me cry in front of all of my friends right before Valentine's Day. Then I worked myself to the bone on a French project, and everything was just so bleh. I was in a pretty bad place, but then on Thursday the 28****th**** I went to a Farewell, My Love concert, which was a life changing experience. There was also a period where I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay in California or not, cuz my dad got offered a job in another state, and it took him a good two weeks to tell me if he took it or not, which he didn't. I also got a new ipod, so putting stuff on that was a long process, and I've been working on a shoe project. I paint on shoes. Other than that…I'm just lazy.**

**Insane panda- thank you! And thanks for reviewing, we can totally be friends :p**

**RandomFandom5-I may or may not comment on Jo Bel, actually….but shhh . no one needs to know**

**Dndchk-Thanks ^-^**

**SilverZelenia- Heh heh, thank you :)**

**Queenofchaos1104-I think that's be a pretty embarrassing way to die :p**

**BookWorm77071-Ha ha, thanks :D**

"my my what an ingoyable**(Ok, I totally forgot what was going on.)** meal"**(…cannibalism? He's not eating Turtle, is he? Usually that would be frowned upon, but in this case…)** sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his**(…with his what? I have a feeling I don't wanna know.)** wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin**(Well, I'm eating fries. Mostly just cuz I can.)**. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat.**(…I just realized this means Turtle is still alive…well, damn.)**

"you moronic negresint layabout**(WHATCHU CALL ME?!)**. do you know why i brot you here**(To force him to watch news about the new pope? Seriously, I'm watching the news, and they won't stop talking about the new pope.)**?" sed snape.

i didnt no.**(Well, the only thing you know is probably 'fuck bitches, eat fried chicken', so that makes sense.)**

"leef da poor boi alone**(Ah, damn, I just spilled hot chocolate on my shirt.)**" sed hagrid.**(What, did he discover teleportation?)**

"no. i think he shud be expeled**(Yes! Please expel him! My life would be complete!)**." sed snape.

"well why**(Well, let's see…he's a moron, he causes all sorts of trouble, and his "magic" isn't even legit magic.)**" sed da dubleedor.**(How hard is it to spell Dumbledore? Why can't anyone seem to spell it right?)**

"becuz he brot a gun to school.**(Well yeah, that's frowned upon.)**" sed snape.

"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort**(*le eyeroll* excuses, excuses)**" sed herman.**(Don't defend him!)**

"thats no alabi**(I agree. Court adjourned.)**" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown**(Yes! *wipes tears of laughter away* that is so perfect, I can't. I can't even. He hangs at sundown?! What is this, Harry Potter: Wild West Edition?)**"

"WAT!1111" sed harry potre**(Yeah, didn't you know? We're in the wild west now.)**.

"you heard me**(What if he's a snail though? Snails are born without ears, which makes it pretty hard to hear.)**" sed snape.

"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death**(Ok, that's actually kinda reasonable…no, not really.)**. especally if ur blak**(You just had to go and make it racist, didn't you?)**"

"!11111111111111**(2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222! BEAT THAT!)**" sed herman.

"but wayt! da suns alreddy down**(Turtle, nobody cares, we all just wanna laugh as we watch you hang.)**!" i sed.

"then i guess we have to hang you now**(Do it, do it, do it!)**!" sed snape.

"N**(Well, Nitrogen to you too!)**

"!111111111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.**(So, I've been listening to the same song for a good two days now. It's called The Dreadful Lullaby. It's by Snow White's Poison Bite. Hopefully I'll see them live next month on the BryanStars Tour!)**

den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!**(Wait…wasn't he already there?)**11111

"hey wait! u cant kill turtle! den hus goona kill vadermort!**(Eh, I'm sure someone else can handle it.)**" he sed.

i wuz standin on da stage**(Is he being hung during a play?)** wit ma hed in da rope.**(HOLY SHIT MY DOG JUST JUMPED UP ON THE COUCH! SHE NEVER DOES THAT! And that's ten times more exciting than IW.)**

hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail**(Well, I'm wearing a black beanie AND black shoes. Yeah, that has nothing to do with this.)** an cryin on harys sholder.**(Poor, unfortunate Herman.)**

"hahaha" sed snape**(See, at least one character is sane! The fact that it's Snape is a big plus. I love Snape with a burning passion.)**. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere**(Is it snowing, too? Oh, is that a tornado? Look, a cyclone! Mother Nature must be on her period.)**. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world**(****Is it bad that I like this AT&T commercial about the wireless receiver just cuz I think the guy in the flannel is hot?****)**!111"

i wuz a gonner**(Yay! To celebrate, let's have an awkward dance party!)**.

AN: now dat wuz excitin!**(Well, my dog jumped up on the couch a second time, and that was more exciting than this.)**111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape**(****There were no big words…****)** bcuz hes wite an probably jewish**(…you had to do it.)**

**Yeah, I still got it xp. Review, please? I'd like that very much! And PM me if you ever wanna talk ^-^**


	8. Chapter 8

*Awkwardly approaches fanfic I abandoned a few months ago* So…um…hi! *clears throat* so, I'm doing this project and I needed a list of concerts I've been to and I thought 'oh, I have one of those on my fanfiction profile'. And so I was planning on just checking and leaving, but then I got sucked in and…I miss this place! I miss all of you! I've grown a lot as a pers-oh, who am I kidding, I'm the exact same person I was in January. I grew like, an inch! I'm still not five feet tall though, so…there's that. So I was just wondering…if maybe…I were to start up again…maybe you'd come back?...BABY COME BACK! YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON MEEEEEEEE!

-Lovingly,

Obssessive


	9. Chapter 9

**Well hallo! =^.^= I'm so happy I'm doing this again! Thanks to Bookworm and Queenofchaos for reviewing an accepting me back :3 And so without further delay, let's dive back into these deep, dark pit of despair, horrible plot twists, OOCness, and bad grammar! Yayyyyy!**

i wuz abot 2 die.(**I don't trust you.)**

den... a big blak nigga flu**(…bubonic plague? That was called the black plague and the black death.)** in on a grifen**(Oh, that's SO badass. Maybe even as badass as me texting in geometry.)** an thru me ma bromstik**.(…physics, people. Physics.)**

"!11111111111111" sed snape**.(TTTTTTT! Yeah, that's right! I used LETTERS! I'm mixin' it up!)**

i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga**(I can show you the world. OOC, disgusting, helliiiish. Tell me Turtle, now when did you last let anything other than your dick or stomach deeecide? I can open your eyes. Take you racism by racism. Over, sideways, and under on a MAGIC BROMSTIK RIDE! A WHOLE NEW WOOOOOORLLLLD! ).** we flu ova till we fund his apartmant**.(So as soon as that guy got Turtle he could fund his apartment? He must be using Turtle for money, just like Kiwan or whatever his name is used Turtle for food. Ha ha, stupid Turtle!)**

"hi im shieqwaz**(How did you come up with this name? Did you smack your face against the keyboard? Oh wait, I bet that's how you wrote this whole story**.)" he sed

"call mi turtle**(As Tony Perry is called Turtle, I feel that Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson or whatever isn't worthy of the nickname Turtle**.)" i sed.

"im snapes brodder**(…is he trying to steal Lichtenstein's phrase? Shieqwaz, have you been watching Hetalia?)**" sed shieqwaz.

"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak**"(What, so two people can't be siblings unless they're of the same ethnicity? This one man actually though my friend and I were brother and sister, and my friend is half Japanese. It's safe to say we look nothing alike)**

"yes i is" **(Somebody please tell em who the f I is. I am Soulja Turtle, I nap the souls up.)** he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish**(…biology, people! Biology!).** eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl"

"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish**(…is it bad that I'm picturing the Jewish men from Touch?)**. do u tink dey cud b da same guy**(That's like saying "That is an orange. That orange lumpy citrus fruit I saw earlier looks an awful lot like an orange. Must be the same exact object!)"**

"i don no" sed shieqwaz.

den i had an idea dat wud rly work**(…Duct tape?)**

AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!11**(Yes, and I'm almost seven feet tall.)**

…**there are actually ten year olds that are taller than me. But anyways. So um…yeah! I hope you enjoyed that…or at least the irony of it…kinda like hipsters can't feel love, only the irony of love. Oh BlimeyCow :3 But no seriously, I hope you liked it! Please leave a review! I'll love you forever and reward you in love and imaginary international pencils! Now I'm off to watch Body of Proof!**


	10. Chapter 10

Well…I can't say I'm proud of myself. My commentary probably has so many abandonment issues. I'm so grateful you guys actually like me despite my disappearances! Thanks bbys 3

Thanks for your kind reviews Queenofchaos, BookWorm, Dndchk, and RandomFandom! I love you all very dearly, and I'm glad you liked the chapter and my Whole New World parody :p

And colliding-colors…don't think I don't know who you are! The second I saw your name I was like 'oooooh, gurrrrl, I know youuuuu!'. I know you, I know your life, I know your choices…and I love you :3 I love you and miss you and I can't wait to see you on Saturday. *creepy whisper 'I'll see you soon my love.'*

AN: sory it tok so long** (Oh, don't apologize. Take all the time you need. Take all the time in the world. Actually? Ya know what? You don't deserve all the time in the world. And you should apologize for making innocent people think you finally stopped updating this train wreck.) ** dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words. (Doesn't seem like looking them up made a difference.)

snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!1" (I'm going…to steal…THE MOON!...why am I thinking of that?)

he keppt on wakkin down da halway.**(Snapeypoo, just strollin' along.)**

"only 1 more thing could make this day even better"**(Chocolate?)** he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill. (Seriously? I mean, like…really? Just…really?...ugh.)

"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech! (What is this, third grade?)

"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin! (He can't seriously be falling for this.)

"well this is making me quite angry" (Apparently Snape is good at talking about his feelings.) sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech. (But he's not so good at thinking logically.)

he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed!

"got u" i sed.

"curses" sed snape. (Oh, drat! My plan has been foiled! Thou have captured me!...yeah, I dunno.)

"we got u now" sed shieqwan"**(…who was that again?)**

"let me go" sed snape.**(Maybe is you ask more politely…)**

we put him in a rum an put him in a char. (…wat?)

"SHIEQWAN" sed snake.

"brodder" sed shieqwan.

"r u vadermort?" i sed.

**(I put a wish in the well, don't ask me)**"ill never tell" sed snape.

**(Ya see what I did there? Don't ask me, I'll never-yeah, I'll leave now.)**

"not even 4... 5 dollors" (A whole five dollars for his biggest secret? What a deal!)

snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill.

"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"...**(Oh c'mon, you gotta be kidding me, you could've at least-ugh.)**

den wit his magik he got out of da char.**(…char is a verb, man.)**

"gettim" sed shieqwan.

i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail. (You haven't seemed to have a regard for wands so far anyways.)

"hes gettin away" sed shieqwan.

den snape got out his gun. (…at this point…why not?)

"now youll die... FOREVER!11111111111" he sed. (Yeah, I wish he'd die forever too, buddy.)

"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST"**(said every action hero ever.)** sed shieqwan.

"you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape.**(That's what they all think.)**

"yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan.

"how did you know" sed snape. **(…huh?)**

"its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!" (…I'm more lost than a giraffe in the north pole.)

"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me"

"now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life"

den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died. (I don't trust you!)

AN: is dis da end**(I wish.)**... or is it!

So that's that I guess! Happy fourth of July! FREEDOM! Colliding-colors, I hope Freedom the eagle who screaches justice is well. I love you all. I feel very affectionate. Maybe it's cuz it's 5:30 in the morning. I hoped you liked this chapter, and I would love if you reviewed! Also, I miss messaging people on here, so if you ever wanna talk, there's that. Okbai :)


	11. Chapter 11

**I hate my computer. I want to murder it. Or at least maim or severely injure it. So I'm doing this on my dad's computer. Sorry dad.**

**Colliding-colors: I loooooooove you! I wanna see you again. I have The Perks of Being a Wallflower and we need to watch together and ship Parlie. I WILL GO DOWN WITH THAT SHIP! I'm glad Freedom the eagle who screeches justice is good. So is Writer the eagle who screeches published. We'll need to have their wedding soon. Looooooove youuuuu 3**

**BookWorm-Despicable Me is great. I wanna go see the second one with my dad, cuz we watched the first one together :3**

**Poor Snapeypoo is so abused in fics like theses ;-;**

**I have no idea who Sheqwhatever is. I think I'll call him Shakira.**

**Happy late birthday! You're fourteen?...WELCOME TO THE CLUB WELCOME TO THE CLUB ONE OF US ONE OF US! …I think this is the first time I've mentioned my age. I actually just finished City of Bones and the series is destroying my life and I love it. I feel like I've heard of Meg Cabot. I dunno if I've read anything by her. And I adore Rick Riordan. The dress sounds pretty!**

**I missed you too! Fourteen people in one house sounds hectic! From my last update til now, I've been extremely bad, extremely good, and everywhere in between "^-^ How have you been? I've mostly been reading and on tumblr and watching and other such things that don't involve leaving the house cuz…I don't do that. Oh, I've been writing a lot of my own stuff too! And I've been watching a LOT of BryanStars cuz I'm going through a huge Bryan phase, but as my dear Colling-colors says, I'm always in a Bryan phase. He's the sweetest being. What have you been doing? Love you too 3**

**Dnchk-WAKKA FLAKKA FLAME!...heh heh.**

**I dunno what happened with the bolding :/ I could've sworn all my comments were bold but…I've been too lazy to change it "^-^**

i meet god (Please let this mean he's dead!)

i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent. (This is so offensive on so many levels…)

"hello turtle" he sed.

"how do u no mi name" i sed

"bcuz im god turtle" he sed i wuz amased. (You should be amazed the almighty 50 cent god has taken time to learn your name, you little disgrace.)

"am i ded" i sed. **(Please 50 cent god, say yes!)**

"yes u r" sed god. (Well then…why are you still here? Shoo! Go burn in the deepest pit of Tartarus like a good little boy!)

"den dat meen..." i sed

"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. (SONOFABITCH!) i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son" (Oh goodie, a revenge plot. Next thing you know this'll turn into Django! *claps in my own face* RACIST OBSSESSIVE!)

"yes lod" i sed.

"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u.** (…does that mean 50 cent god saw Turtle and Herman gettin it on? Awwwwwkwwwwward!)** goodbi" sed god

"godbi" i sed.

i woke up in mi room.

"wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker" (…is it bad that I'm hungry and want to get the box of crackers from downstairs now?)

"aw noddin" i sed. (You mean you won't share your epic meeting with 50 cent god!? You could write a bestselling book on that! WAIT WAIT NO I TAKE THAT BACK! Never do that! Never write anything else!)

"well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star playa" **(Hey baby girl, I've got a penis. AND I'm the star bromstick player. Let's go back and fuck in my van.)**

**My last comment is the baby of this abomination, a DesandNate reference and a BryanStars reference.**

**BryanStarsBryanStarsBryanStarsBryanStars**

**SnakeSnakeSnakeSnakeSnakeSnake**

…**I'll leave now. I love you all! Leave a review, or I'll make you listen to me talk about BryanStars! I could do that for hours. HOURS. Dun dun dunnnnnn! (Belt oh my god Belt.)**

**(…I'm wondering how many of the things I say actually mean anything to you guys. How do you like me?)**


	12. Chapter 12

Colliding-colors: OUT THE BACK DOOR GOD DAMN BUT I LOVE HER ANYWAY!

"I am the happy walrus. I've got these cool tusssksss. When I kiss you, I gouge your face. But it's okay, cuz we have band aids."

Aw, I love you wifey *nuzzles*

Dndchk-I'll be fifteen in September. I'm so excited. I just can't wait to not be fourteen. Everyone thinks I'm like, twelve, or sixteen.

Oh my gosh fried chicken irony!

*returns high five* Woo~!

Bookworm- I took CP Science 9, and the first thing we did was a physics unit, and I was like, failing the class at one point and my teacher hated me but I brought my grade up to an A and I was like "SUCK IT!" on the inside. Then we did earth science, then physics again. I liked the physics more the second time.

Meg Cabot sounds so familiar and I can't figure out why! ;_;

Bryan does interviews for YouTube. And he actually asks fun questions, not normal, boring questions bands usually get asked. He helps smaller bands get recognized, and he even did two tours. He took some bands, and got to travel around and meet his fans and everyone got to listen to great music. I got to go to the second one, cuz it had California dates, and it was like, the best night ever, and I met Bryan and he was so sweet and he took a picture with me and signed my shorts and hugged me and asdfghjkl. I'm very passionate about BryanStars. I wanna get a blue Aeropostale jacket just like his. Blue Aeropostale is like…his thing. If he wears anything else on the upper half of his body, it throws everyone off.

I've been writing mostly original things, some fanfics.

This story is a ridiculous pony. I just want him to die ;_;

He's Turtle cuz he's a thug. And he ain't goin back to jail. …I catually don't know. A lot of people actually show back up in this chapter.

I really don't wanna go back to school either. But it's not like summer is really a break from school for me, cuz I have a bunch of summer work anyways. But I think ninth grade is usually good in general. I had a pretty good time, with classes and all. Not so much with people. I'm not too thrilled about the kids from the middle school coming in, but I doubt anyone ever is. I've been having a lot of self esteem issues lately. A lot a lot a lot. And I'm incredibly lonely. And I got friendzoned again by a guy I really liked. But…meh.

Now…ON TO THE CHAPTER!

bromstiks championship **(Still with the bromstick? Really?)**

i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded. (Yeah, being dead usually gets in the way of things like…bromsticks.)

i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it.**(When I look for something, if it's not in plain sight the first time I glance around, I just quit. Turtle should quit too. But not just at looking. He should quit existing in general.)** den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!11111111 (If this is like, some sabotage plan, that's very childish of Vadermort. But hey, he's Vadermort, what did you expect?)

"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team! now ull nevr win!"** (…well…he has a point! But I think that's a little overkill. Do you see what I did there?!...*sigh* I dunno what I'm even doing anymore.)**

"wut" i sed **(And as always, Turtle has a very intelligent response.)**

"thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik. **(So he killed all of Turtle's team mates, stole his bromstick, and still expects him to play?! Geez, I think Vadermort needs to lower his expectations before he gets disappointed!)**

"wut am i gonna do now" i sed **(I would say 'Go die in a hole, and die for real this time.' But I bet he'll find some badass way to win bromsticks anyways cuz he's Turtle and he's oh-so-great.)**

i wen on da feeld.

"waddiya doin turtle? da championship is about 2 bigin!1" sed hary potta (Didn't Vadermort kill them all? Is…Harry a zombie? Cuz with what I've seen from the Walking Dead, a zombie wouldn't be a very helpful bromstick team mate. They also can't talk. Like…at all.)

"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik" (Just steal one off a dead guy. It was okay to take armor off of dead soldiers during the Trojan war. It should be okay to take a bromstick of a dead guy during what I am now going to call the Bromstick war! Right?)

"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" **(It took me a while to decipher what this said.)**sed hary potter (Um…Voldemort doesn't have a nose…or did Vadermort get Darth Vader's nose? Does Darth Vader have a nose? I know close to nothing about Darth Vader.)

"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed

"WUT" sed hary "**(Did Harry just like…not notice? Cuz I kinda assumed that the dead bodies were spread all over the bromstick field, all ravished and bloody.)** how r we gonna win now!" (Um…you don't. That's kinda the point. But knowing you, you somehow will anyways.)

den we lookd ova.

"oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN **(Well, I hope for your sake that it's like in Django and they can't see shit out of the white bags over their heads. Actually, I take that back. I don't hope for your sake at all Turtle. And also, I like the Klu Klux Klan is like…the one thing he managed to spell almost right. AND OH MY GOD COLLIDING COLORS I GOT YOUR TEXT ABOUT FAREWELL, MY LOVE WHILE I WAS TYPING THIS ASDFGHJKL RING A DING DING DING IN THE LING A LING LING LIIIIING!...yeah, that probably meant nothing to anyone. Just me fangirling over my favorite band ever in the whole wide world.)**

dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope. **So they'll shoot you, burn you, AND hang you? That's effective! You can't say they aren't committed!)**

"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us.

"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.

den i got an idea."DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd. (I should have known. The dragon. It's always the dragon. But I admit being able to summon a huge badass dragon at any time of need would be pretty damn helpful.)

i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.

we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME.**(Oh, boo hoo.)**

"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us. **(I'm starting to think they really can't see shit. I mean, if they did this whole shooting thing once before and didn't manage to kill either Turtle or Harry.)**

"how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr

it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild. (Okay, I was expecting the racism, but…why is the sky white?)

"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed. (Repetition? Really? We got your racist, weird-sky remark the first time.)

vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!" (Isn't it…still working? Ugh, student drivers are doing student driver things. STOP PARALLEL PARKING IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE, MAN! IT'S FREAKIN' ME OUT!)

den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" (Oh the Dumbldoor. The most genuine, kind, selfless door/person in the land…wait…oh my god…I FIGURED IT OUT! HE'S A DOORLORD!) den da buza sounded.

…**Fun fact, this computer considers doorlord a word. I've realized that I've used all caps a lot in this. Oh and sorry if the bolding thing happens again. I hope you all liked the chapter, cuz I worked on it for like, an hour. Please review. It'll make me happy. Plz.**

**Also I'm birdsitting for my friend and I'm pretty sure the bird hates me. That is all. Bye and I love you!**


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